Yay to this being my 100th post! Man, I write a lot. I have a lot of feelings, okay? I gotta express them somewhere.
This one's gonna be a serious one folks, so brace yourselves.
I was thinking today about my ex-boyfriend. Never a good thing. It was a big-time heartbreak. We dated for 2 years, lived together, and he dumped me. Much sadness. Wahhh. Anyway, I was thinking about my tendency to develop feelings so quickly. With him, I fell in love within the first 8 months that we were dating. I just knew. And I'm not one to toss love around haphazardly. I have only ever been in love once. And I loved hard. But, I do have the tendency to completely overlook a guy's negative qualities pretty easily. I want to believe that he is perfect for me. And that is usually not the case.
You see, I like being in love. I can say with absolute certainty that being in love has been the greatest thing to ever happen in my life. And I think because I love being in love, I tend to try and force guys into this "He's my soulmate." mold when they usually belong in the "He's completely wrong for you mold." The last date that I went on I found myself thinking "Maybe he could be the one for me." I tend to think that about a lot of guys I become friends with. Scary, I know. Turns out that guy is the biggest asshole I have ever met in my life. I know this with certainty because I still have to see him on a daily basis and his asshole-ishness makes me cringe.
And this "He could be the one" feeling tends to wear off if I spend enough time with the person. I had this feeling for a dude I am friends with now (and I will never tell him or you who this person is). I wasn't even attracted to him initially. But then we started hanging out more and I got to know him and I thought "maybe I could date him." Wrong-o. I have known him for quite a while now and that completely went away. I discovered that it would NEVER work for us. Now he's just like my annoying brother. We joke and pretend flirt, but we both know that dating is not an option.
I just wish that I could get rid of this ridiculous notion that every guy I meet could be THE ONE. It's getting kinda pathetic. I get my hopes up and there is really no need for it. I realize that (hopefully) one day one of these guys will be THE ONE. I just have to quit being so quick to jump to that conclusion. I guess I am just a hopeless romantic. Sometimes I really piss myself off. I need to just learn to let things develop on their own. But it's hard when I have this really odd mixture of belief in destiny and grounded realism. I believe that all things happen for a reason, blah blah blah. But at the same time I believe that we have a hand in what happens to us. It makes for a really confused Frances.
Gonna go read a sappy romance novel now. I think Nora Roberts and Stephenie Meyer have really contributed to this sickness that I have. Thanks ladies! ;)